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So Tearful Apologies

by Paul Burkhart

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  • Streaming + Download

    This is the most finished album I currently have. It is still not done. It consists of meditations, stories, and pictures of failure in light of redemption, salvation, and grace.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $8 USD

     

1.
Damascus 01:41
[Damascus] A troubled heart troubled still as I walk in the valley of the shadow of death but Im the shadow of that valley as I strike them with one rod while another comforts them why wont they die as I strike them with My Left as your right upholds them all Ill kill them inhale Ill kill them exhale Ill kill them inhale so on and so forth I walk as the dust of My sandals covers their face while Mine is clean Mine is pristine following none but MySelf on this dusty Damascus road and then— a Light . . . i’m Yours . . . an Emanating Illumination eliminating all i thought i knew. a Light i’ll see no more until i see Your Face again. There- in that Place where every taste is satisfied; every desire fully known, and consummation here, but until such appointed time i wait . . . and endure . . . a darkness, a pain, a thorn: a longing for the Light that keeps me running- keeps me racing. a longing for the Light . . . a longing for the Sight that took mine, but left me not in darkness then, now, and nevermore.
2.
instrumental
3.
Unbridled passions for the one true me and everything under heaven. The dance of hairs under surface cool swaying with the tide. The blue of lifeless lips lie cold against the tasteless tile. Dead by the arrow missing its mark form the folly of man before. Come desire me, come inspire me, come require me, come . . . Break the surface with your grasp. Wrap your arm around me. Enfold me in the breath of life and know me. Know me! Every thought, motive and act for everything but you. Affections failing faithful callings from everything within, without. Come desire me, come inspire me, come require me, come . . . The depths of death are all I know- I’ll never go to you. Will you break the surface cold and know me? Know me? Come desire me, come inspire me, come require me, come . . . for if you don’t, I never will.
4.
Little Girl, don't look away. Broken, forsaken, and gone astray. Abandoned by those you loved the most; left alone in the dusty house waiting just to live and love again I turn the knob, walk in the door, I go up the stairs, straight up to you, and with tears my eyes ask: Dance . . . let’s dance . . . You are dark but lovely to me, and you have let your vineyards go to waste. But I will bring new wine in new wineskins to you. Little Dove, come out from the cleft of the rock; away from those who’ve raped and beaten you, those whom you’ve loved and sought. The bruises you bear from tainted exploits of past Protectors: let me do the painful work of healing your wounds, but for now, just dance . . . I sought you as an orphan, I brought you to my home. Though you never loved me, I’ve always known your name. Before the foundations of all the earth I’ve loved you. Before you’d done anything either good or bad in my eyes. I sought for you, fought for you, bought you and brought you to me. It was so you could feel and know what true love was. So go with me, grow with me, love and adore me as I will you. So not for what you’ve done, but because of who I am, let’s dance . . .
5.
Verse 1: My left hand rings out against the wine glass Your reddish-hue still burning upon the edge of yours. A simple business meal suddenly changes tone. My hand receives a gentle touch; My ears receive a simple proposition. Chorus: You want me to love you and I do. But not in the way you wish. The right that you want to own is just for my bride alone- the one i sealed with my kiss You want me to love you and I do. But not in the way you want The right to know me as one is just for my bride alone- the one i sealed upon my wrist Outro: But I long for thee with a poet’s heart but a poet’s words are never enough, To express on paper, in verse or voice just what’s going on inside. So as a soldier will die for his nation alone and a martyr for his cause. So will a lover give Himself just for His Bride . . .
6.
instrumental
7.
Image 07:11
There once was a boy, given a mystical box. He opened it up and found a magic paintbrush. Enrapt in its charm, he placed it into his hand. And the colors swirled And paint flew around. And the brush took his hand and moved it about. He stood there staring, for half an hour or so Eyes wet against the beauty before him. In some strange way, he felt he was made for this, but something was missing. Enraptured by Beauty, captured by Love, but the cares and loves of a boy, drew his heart away. For a time . . . This boy now a teen, caught up in girls, cars, and life Looked under his bed, and found a box from his past. And the colors swirled, and Beauty restored and the canvas filled, but something still lacked Enraptured by Beauty, captured by Love but the passions and dreams of a teen, drew his heart away. One last time . . . This boy now a man, acquainted with pain of life His reason to guide him, and his passions to fill. One day in the attic, some boxes fell where he stood And the colors swirled And Beauty restored. And he stood there once more, a man now in tears. Enraptured by Beauty, captured by Love something still missing, but now he knew what. And he dipped his brush in the darkest crimson, and drew it across, across the canvas. and in that same moment and he was there . . . The red he just drew, stood in the sky before him and the green lay beneath his feet and yellows and oranges were high up above all around him he was there . . . in the Beauty, in the Art, in all his soul was made for and he looked down, in his hand and in his hand, was the hand of Beauty
8.
Spread your treason throughout the land, O Prince. Try to declare yourself as not my own. My Kingship will be yours one day. I will make it so . . . For the sake of my Kingship, I’ll make you a King I’ll remove the treason from your lips, so you can sing my name. I’ll allure you in to exile, just to hear my whisperings. I’ll let you walk, and I’ll break your leg, just to give you everything. I will make into the heir, I made you then I’ll show you my decrees are not for naught I will do whatever it takes to bring you to your home, to your King For the sake of my Kingship, I’ll make you a King I’ll remove the treason from your lips, so you can sing my name. I’ll allure you in to exile, just to hear my whisperings. I’ll let you walk, and I’ll break your leg, just to give you everything. Run as please. You will persevere. For I’ve decreed it so - as your King My cherished Prince- whom I love How dare you believe that you could relieve yourself of my calling for you. For you are my son, and I am your King! For the sake of my Kingship, I’ll make you a King I’ll remove the treason from your lips, so you can sing my name. I’ll allure you in to exile, just to hear my whisperings. I’ll let you walk, and I’ll break your leg, just to give you everything. my son . . .
9.
Why do you look at me like the last kid that’s left against the wall? Not picked for the proverbial game of eternal dodgeball. It’s because you didn’t even come to the brick wall for me to choose. Because you didn’t have it stirred in you to come and hear the news. Truth be told all those I picked never had it stirred within themselves to come in the first place Until I called and told them what to do to wake up from the slumber from under neath they stayed from grace. It’s not that they were better suited for the game they were picked for and you say that you reject it’s just the nature of the game that I have rigged to beat the other side with those you’d least expect But now you stand before me now pointing a finger to accuse me of injustice towards you but just look down and contemplate your shoes. See the ground on which you argue from is it not blacktop from that brick wall? that place to which you’ll only come when you have finally heard my call? So, come . . . Come . . . Come away. . . from all that’s pleasured you to me, your pleasure . . .
10.
instrumental
11.

credits

released June 1, 2008

cover art: www.flickr.com/photos/johnm2205/3459563202/

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Paul Burkhart Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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