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Confession

by Paul Burkhart

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    This is an autobiographical album that is still very much in progress. I began writing it after realizing that my music strayed from those stories and themes that were most personal and vulnerable to me.
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      $6 USD

     

1.
2.
Verse 1: I watch you walk your hundred steps or so down the alley down the way your green over sweater-whatever it's called hides the hints of grey I think I'm falling Every cliche clearly taking hold What the hell's going on? The frenchman's song tells me 'bout my mind, he's says it's blown and your incredible You're incredible Chorus: And then I see his arm wrap around you And then I know, this honor's not mine But then I see, his heart is not wrapped around you So then a part of me, allows mine. Verse 2: The privilege of the small of your back Is extended to my hand Your skirt kisses the floor as it twirls with the rhythm of the band I love us dancing Let your tears fill your empty cup of tea As you talk of broken dreams Your soul, your heart, your finger all are still bare After all was not as it seemed I want to run hard after you Chorus: And then I see you heart filled with anger Wanting to break him for you broken dreams And then I see my heart filled with longing Wanting to give you all those dreams. Verse 3: I see you scared sitting on that bed your future so unknown. Our distance closing with these writings sent but my heart is still not shown. I so enjoy you. I still don't know, I still don't know, I don't, I can't--not right now at least But I trust Him in these musings-- in this salvation--where I find rest. I find my rest
3.
My Cali Girl? Oh, God, I knew it!! Right when I stopped seeking is right when I would find the right one! I mean, the right one? Because I don’t know . . . First inductee into the club of my infatuation So many years ago, but only for a time. Shot down once, so I moved right along, Losing closeness day by day, week by week, month by month Class by class But now you’re back- But I thought you left! Off to see the real sunset and the real ocean, And the real you; but nonetheless. Strange occurrences accompany this new reacquaintance: Images of rings and white and things so right flood my conscious mind; Images of laying and lying And praying and dying For You: A face horizontal caressed by sunlight slits through bedroom blinds days, years after a honeymoon shared. Counting wrinkles day by day And counting sheep night by night Beside you. But the night is dark and hard to see Are you the face that will set me free? I strain my eyes, while confusion sets in, And now you’re coming back, away from real sunsets, and real oceans, The real you - Is it a sign? Oh God, I don’t know it!
4.
Do I? 02:48
Just because I’m joined to One above does this mean I am in want of desire for one below, one beneath, one under? Do I not dream of the same as you? A joyful consummation at the end of the day of rising and falling rising and falling? Of breaths and sighs of whimpers and cries and half taken breaths whispered in my ear under the weight of knowing, knowing that which was good before we Fell, before we fell away from Him- fell away from one another. Let me fall back into Him, into you: fall for you as I rise into Thy love and thine and mine. Restored - a picture thereof as my soul is known and I know this union once more. So can I want? Can I dream? Can I read the words of wisdom old and long for your fingers to drip with myrrh as I reach into your garden latch and seek the rose I long to taste? May I?
5.
Crumpled bed sheets, crumpled life Crumpled woman upon the floor Another night, another fight Her son standing at her door Numb and tingling all at the same moment. Sobs and sucks of a snot stuffed nose Invite the child inside . . . To hold her, to love her, when no one else does. He can’t even look at her when she cries. The tears of mama are salt in the wound of his seven or so years of life. The smell of her Revlon-colored hair Recalls the essence of the source of her pain: Quote “marriage” to this weak quote “man” Takes happiness from her grasp The half-cocked smile of this half-cocked man Turns the knife . . . ever so slightly. . . What comes to mind upon first entrance of his face into my thoughts? A reed swaying in the breeze Dead chaff moving with the forces around it Weakness, passivity, and pissed-off pessimism Define that which I called “daddy” and what she calls “pain.”
6.
Of Heat & Thorns (free) 04:58
hours upon hours dollars upon dollars staring at brightened displays of cheapened ecstasy at the expense of a child, a daughter, of the one true God. chorus: who will deliver me? from this body of death? that aches and groans for redemption? doubt upon doubt pedestal on pedestal where everyone else is but You my God manipulate and lie, they pull me up, my security therein chorus the darkest of the dark the chiefest of the chief my spirit’s so willing but my flesh is so damn weak i covet a stage that’s Yours to give sacrifices offerred my will appeased oh Love Divine reside herein teach me repentance and what it means to You my one hope i have and trust is that You are more good than i am not You are Ending: You will deliver me, from this body of death. that aches and groans for you to come. You will deliver me; from this body of death. that aches and groans for redemption.
7.
Love Song (free) 02:40
(Selection from T.S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock) Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me. Should I, after tea and cakes and ices, Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis? But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed, Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter, I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter; I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker, And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker, And in short, I was afraid. ..... I grow old … I grow old … I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled. Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach? I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach. I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I do not think that they will sing to me. I have seen them riding seaward on the waves Combing the white hair of the waves blown back When the wind blows the water white and black. We have lingered in the chambers of the sea By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
8.
Boy meets girl, girl meets boy; Boy likes girl, girl likes boy. But girl likes boy, more than boyfriend. Girl leaves boyfriend, but time must past before can bloom, budding romance. Months ensue of “wait we’re too close” -- or maybe, not close enough. Girl calls boy, Christmas Eve. Girl tells boy, feelings are gone. He doesn’t know what to do, so he fights . . . for almost a year and a half he fights . . . and pursues her and praises and prays as he pushes her to him . . . and lies and manipulates blindfully pridefully placing her on pedestals to fulfill and affirm and make . . . secure.

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released February 1, 2011

All songs written and performed by Paul Burkhart; except "Love Song", words by T.S. Eliot

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Paul Burkhart Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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